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A Christmas Calamity

All I want for Christmas…is to have Halloween, Thanksgiving and autumn back in stores! It’s just not fair.

Don’t get me wrong—Christmas is jolly, but Christmas in stores has a strike against it: the best parts of it aren’t even there. Family, traditions, homemade food, the ornaments we made in elementary school—these are the things that really matter, but they don’t get three months of extra attention like the decorations do.

Christmas trees stand next to school supplies and close the season before it’s been opened; no other holidays stand a chance against the Christmas colossus. It leaves Halloween in the dark, autumn out to dry and Thanksgiving stuffed in a corner. Ghosts right next to angel decorations is a little too ironic to allow, the lovely cornucopia doesn’t have anything on a Santa Claus cookie jar, and as for fall leaves, those are given up for the wish of snow.

Yet, I suppose some might say that all the decorations cover for Thanksgiving too. Having so much Christmas cheer in stores reminds me of the feeling I get when I eat too much turkey and pumpkin pie. The number of cookbooks, reindeer-ornamented plates and cookie mixes are enough to make me sick. Come to think of it, every time I walk into a store, it seems that they’re trying to decorate for autumn too. With “Christmas Memories” scented everything, I feel light-headed enough that I might Fall.

This is probably the plan. They’re cheerily filling the shelves with Christmas regalia because it decorates for FOUR HOLIDAYS AT ONCE. Wow. We just figured out Thanksgiving and autumn, that’s three total. But, it works for Halloween too.

Putting out all the “Christmas Memories”—scented candles, handcrafted blown-glass ornaments, cookies-and-hot chocolate mugs, natural Canadian pine cones, artisan gingerbread houses, monogrammed stockings, miles of lights, yearlong poinsettias, reindeer mix, gold tinsel, wrapping and ribbons, wreaths—they just want to scare us!



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